Can you imagine waking up each day and having someone tell you what to wear, what to eat, how to behave, what your choices are, and the appropriate way to respond to situations? All before you’ve even stepped foot out the door?! Absolutely not! But, at times, this is exactly what we do to our children! It’s even easier to do this when our children have limited language to communicate with us in a way WE understand.
Similar to adults, children love to feel like they have a sense of control over their environments. Providing choices to children, even in menial ways, can help them to relinquish this sense of control. This leads to less tantrums, arguing, and resistance throughout the day. This skill can be introduced in early infancy and remains relevant into adulthood.
The earliest opportunity to provide children with choices begins when they are learning to reach. Also when they request towards interesting objects within their environment. At this time, hold an object in each hand and wait for the child to reach towards the one they prefer. Always pair language with the objects, by labeling each object that you have and using an excited voice to label the object of their choosing. “Would you like the car or the train? Oh! You chose the TRAIN! Choo Choo!” This skill also enhances opportunities for vocabulary development, as you may be presenting the child with a new label for an object. Children like to practice this skill with toys, and may love it even more when choices are paired with food! “What bite would you like next? The brussel sprouts or the spinach?” Haha!
As children become more established in daily routines and gain increased independence, providing choices becomes important once again. Provide children with choices that won’t impact the overall outcome of the routine or activity you are trying to complete. For example, providing choices related to the color of clothing they will wear, which side of the staircase they will walk down, or if they want breakfast on a plate or in a bowl will provide them with the small sense of control that they are seeking.
In a broader sense, you can also ask children to help you make choices about extended tasks that may occur throughout the day or even on a weekly basis, such as: 1) the order in which you will accomplish tasks throughout the day, 2) planning what you will eat for meal(s), or 3) the route or mode of transportation you will take to get to a destination.
Fostering the skill of making choices is important for children to solidify early in development, as it continues to impact and shape other skills as children grow. Making choices builds confidence and independent-thinking, especially when children can make choices and immediately follow through. It also allows the opportunity for the child to feel valued and appreciated.
In more sophisticated choices, being decisive promotes independent problem solving, as the child weighs which choice is more valuable or important to them. Further, you will start to see, as your children get older, they will begin to offer their own solutions, and start to learn the ever-important skill of negotiation.
Conclusion
Remember: children learn to make decisions by being a part of the decision-making process. Oftentimes, when they feel as if they have control over their environment, children will also make better decisions about their behavior. Giving them control over easy, day-to-day decisions can help not only with their language development, but also with easing the overall frustrations associated with learning rules and listening to adults.
“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” -John C. Maxwell
If behavioral aspects of daily life is where your child struggles, check out Why Do Children at Chicago Pediatric Therapy & Wellness Center Make More Gains Faster? Our ABA Therapy programs address
- Communication Building – both augmentative and verbal communication
- Relationship Building with peers and family members
- Play Skills
- And much much more
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